I'm not sure what I'm good at, yet. I'd like to say I'm good at writing or photography or singing or playing guitar. Something simple. I might be okay at some of those things, but not really good at them, you know? I'd like to say I'm a good friend, but who are we kidding?
Think about it, when was the last time we hung out? Okay, now think of the time before that. Long time, right? Point is, I go weeks without really hanging out with my friends. I've been told that I'm always there for them, which is great, but....it's only when I'm needed.
This is weird, but I feel like a library. If someone needs something, then they come to me. I'm always here, but no one ever visits unless they're in need of something Don't get me wrong, I love that I can be here for my friends. Wouldn't trade it for the world). Yes, there are some exceptions. There will always be exceptions, though.
I don't blame my friends. I blame myself. People complain about how they don't have any friends. Well, here's my theory: "If you don't have friends, it just means that friends don't have you." Complaining never got anyone anywhere. You want friends? Then be a friend. Because, chances are, friends want you.
Friendship isn't a one-way street. It never has been, and it can never be. I wish I knew how to put it simpler.
Back to my little dilemma. My life goes on, I still have most of my friends. My relationships are weak, but they're there. My problem, you ask? My problem is me. I'm getting in the way of everything, and it's annoying. Motivation isn't my problem, either; and it usually is, so that's saying something.
I know what to do in order to fix my problem, I have the motivation; everything is pretty much set for me to help myself out of the ditch I've been in. When someone offers their hand, do you grab it and accept their help? Because that's the opposite of what I've been doing. I've been put in positions where all I had to do was accept. Literally, nothing was standing in my way of my friends; and I declined.
I want to say that there's an unknown variable, but if that were true, I would know what it is, right? Unless I didn't want myself to know. But then I'm just pointing the finger at something else when I should take the blame for everything. It's no one's fault but mine.