Just before I started this post, I remembered something. God has his own timing. If someone would have come to me when I'd ask for it, the result wouldn't have been the same. I can see that now. God has been doing that a lot lately, though. Testing me, showing me, proving to me that He knows what He's doing. He needs me to trust Him. With anything and everything.
"When will you stop testing me, God?" I asked.
When you finally get it!
It was so simple. The answers were right in front of me, and I couldn't see it. Sometimes you just need to try and "get in God's head." Obviously, that's impossible. But I don't think it's entirely impossible to look at things His way. Look at it from His perspective, and figure it out. If I was testing someone, I wouldn't stop testing them until they got it, either. Otherwise, what's the point of testing them?
This is what people need to understand about God. He doesn't waste His time. Ever! God has the best reasoning. He created everything, don't you think He'd know what consequences of things were? He can see things we can't because, first of all, He's God; Secondly, He's seen literally everything. He sees it before it happens, while it's happening, and after it's happened. In other words, He can see it before it happens. Therefore, He'll know the consequences of certain things that we do, besides the fact that He's God.
After school, I wondered why God had sent McKenna. I tried remembering everything she said, and the explanations of what she said. Part of it was that I needed to trust God with everything and that, even though it seems like everyone hears this, He has an amazing plan in store for me. Another thing she told me was that God doesn't see me as "one of the Clarks." One of the Clarks, I thought. That had to be God. I almost never talk to McKenna, and how would she know how much I hate that? I can't stand it when people think of my family like that. They're all the same. No! They're not!! Spend a day with each of us. It would take a week, but you'd see that we are not all the same. Not even close. Our personalities are all so much different. Our talents, interests, and thought patterns. Virtually everything is different. Okay, we look a lot alike. So what? I look like Harry Potter! Does that mean I'm the same as him!?
Point is, I think that God really tried to get me with that one. When she said that, I had her repeat it, rephrasing it. I couldn't believe that she would say that. I mean, it's not like I doubted that what she was hearing was from God, but I just couldn't imagine someone going through with that. I would have said, "No...that's stupid. He knows that already."
I did know it, yes. But, I didn't think about it consciously. It never really occurred to me that, out of everyone, He was one of the only people that thought of me as an individual. Sometimes I wonder if that's why He made me as a twin. He knew I'd hate being thought of something I'm not. Who does? I'm not saying I'm not a twin, I'm just saying that I'm not the same as him. And that's the way, from what I've heard, people think of twins like.
I once wrote something about twins. I don't have it anymore, but I remember a lot of it. It basically just said how we're different, and how you can remember that. Like, never ask the question, "What's it like to be a twin?" We don't know how to answer that. It's almost like we're not even human anymore, and we feel like saying, "What's it like being normal?" You must understand that, ever since birth, I've been a twin. I can't answer the question, because I don't know what it's like not being a twin. Honestly, I don't think it's any different. It's just sharing a birthday. But, because of being a twin for my whole life, there's no way for me to answer the question. I can't say, "It's so much different. I've never had someone the same age as me in the house before. I never had to share a room, and no one has ever bought me the SAME clothes before! It's so weird!" No. I can't say that, because I've always been a twin. I'm sure I'm getting to be pretty repetitive by now, but oh well. I just want my point to get across. Oh, and by the way, never get twins a gift if both gifts are the same thing. There's nothing that says, "You're the same, so you can have the same gift," like that does. Twins hate being thought of as the same. They want to have their own personality. Their own clothes, their own looks, their own room, their own everything!
Some people are different, though. So, I think I only speak for most twins by all of this. And I hope I got my point across. =)
That got me way off subject. Anyways..! haha, um, I tried to remember everything McKenna had told me after school. During school, even. "What did she say? Why did she say it?" I asked myself/God. All I can really, truly remember is that God has amazing plans for me, and that I need to trust Him. Typical. But cool.
